Back-to-School Jitters
This time of year is full of big feelings. And—as we are still navigating new ways of being together amidst a world with Covid—the feelings are very big. The amorphousness of interpersonal boundaries, the confusion about expectations, the tremendous pressure on our educators to do more, more, more with less, less, less. And the incredible strain on families to “have it all together” and be prepared while standing on a mountain of stress and uncertainty. I have a couple things to share with you.
We ask our children to do so many new and hard things everyday.
Yet, as Brene Brown reminds us in her engaging audiobook, The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: most adults can curate their lives to avoid doing hard things. Yet our children are expected to do SO MANY HARD THINGS all the time!
Our children are Brave!
Let’s honor their courage and strength to keep showing up even when it’s uncomfortable AF. You can view Brene’s Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto here.
Many families had a crazy Summer of patchworking a schedule together for their children, which forced you and your kids to have ongoing courage around the many transitions. It’s a lot of adjustment and readjustment…and now we are headed back into the school year…
On Anxiety.
Anxiety, Stress, Jitters…whatever you call it, can stop us in our tracks and can scramble our brains like eggs. Yet it has an important function in our lives. In her most recent newsletter, my friend and colleague MereAnn Reid breaks down our anxiety during this time of year as something to revere, not dismiss.
She says,
“Whether you’re feeling relief, resignation, or something else, our emotions mix together with kids’ what-ifs, how-comes, and don’t-wannas.
But none of this is a problem.
Anxiety is normal.
It’s how we get ourselves ready for change and meet urgent needs.
Our response to perceived challenges that come with the unknown or unfamiliar often includes a legitimate escalation—or full stop —of all our faculties.
Our sense of security in the great big world around us matters that much.
Here are a few good things anxiety can do for us:
* Protect us from diving head-long into uncertain scenarios
* Interpret risk and challenges we may face
* Slow down impulsive actions and hasty decision-making
* Draw our attention to our body with speedy heart rate + breathing
* Compel us to seek support from a stable, trustworthy ally”
— MereAnn Reid, LPC, RPT
You can view MereAnn’s webinar on Anxiety here.
On Connection
What can we do to support our children with Back-to-school jitters?
The first step in supporting our children is showing care and compassion for ourselves. Let’s get curious about our own jitters: where do you feel it in your body? What is it trying to tell you? What do you need to feel balance and a sense of grounding? Dr. Mona Delahooke talks about the importance of even a few seconds to re-calibrate ourselves to our center. She calls them “microbreaks".
Offer your child a chance to connect! Having consistent, contained, child-led 1:1 play sessions on a regular basis will build your child’s resilience. Through connection (the antidote to big feelings) and play (the natural language of childhood), your child will build skills to regulate their emotions. In the heat of big moments, do your best to stay and Listen. Hand in Hand Parenting calls this “Staylistening”
Learn what you can about your child’s school, expectations, teachers, layout of their classroom, and share with your child. (Photos are helpful if possible). What you don’t know, show healthy curiosity: “I wonder what it will be like at school for you. What do you want new friends and your new teacher to know about you? How would you like to say hello?” Or things like,
Let’s pick your clothes (offer choices to support confidence and agency).
Let’s make a plan for your lunch, or make lunch together the night before.
Let’s read books about other kids who were brave on their first days.
Let’s scaffold the day with special breakfast and special time after school.
It can really help demystify the unknowns by naming that there is a lot to learn and get used to, and the other kids are also wondering things too. If your child doesn’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. Maybe they want to play it out, or not discuss it at all.
Finally, Some practical tips from founder of Princess Awesome, Rebecca Melsky:
“1) Locate all small Tupperware containers AND LIDS. Note: the containers are not as useful without lids.
2) Locate enough water bottles for ALL OF THE CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE. Two water bottles is not useful when you have three children.
3) Do not leave your child’s glasses at the pool the night before school starts. (i think this is self-explanatory?)
4) SNACKS! It will only take one day of school pick up *without* snacks to remind you to bring snacks at pick up all other days.
5) SOCKS! Oh, those poor lonely socks that have been sitting in drawers all summer while children wear sandals and run barefoot. You’re going to need them again on the first day of school. Make sure they’re clean!
6) If possible, go back in time to June and clean out lunchboxes immediately after the last day of school. At the very least, make sure you don’t let them sit in the car for two months. ”
— Rebecca at Princess Awesome, from her newsletter on Aug 25, 2022
Please be gentle and take time as you spin into this next whirlwind, and find moments of rest and restoration within the wildness.
Truly,
