a Thank-You note to my clients.

“I’m very much a rebel. When you tell me ‘no,’ I’m turning that ‘no’ into a ‘yes.’” 

–Queen Latifah.

Dear Families,

Our children need a safe place to be, to feel welcome. My clients are children and my clients deserve to feel safe, seen and welcome. You are my clients, families are my clients, and I want you–in fact, it’s imperative to me–that YOU feel safe, seen and welcome. 

It’s hard to advocate for what we need and believe. Case in Point: y’all know I’m having some issues with my waiting room situation. 

My number one priority when moving to this office is that you would feel comfortable to come and have sessions with me. I want parents to have a chill place to relax and re-calibrate while your child is in an individual session. I want siblings to have a few materials available to keep them connected, entertained and regulated while waiting. Having your child in therapy, and working through issues of regulation and connection is uncomfortable enough. When you come to my office, I want you to know that you belong here. 

This was too big of a request for some of the grown-ups in our community: 

Grown-ups who value the adult-centric way of seeing the world. 

Grown-ups who do not understand that young children are also world citizens and full people. 

Grown-ups with their own history of being “shushed,” and feeling the need to “shush” others. 

Grown-ups who make it clear that anything that doesn’t align with their adult agenda must be erased from existence. As if anything beyond their own vision is putrid to the senses. This whole situation reminds me of the (explicit lyrics) song “Roses”  by Outcast:

“I know you’d like to think your sh*t don’t stink, but lean a little bit closer, see that roses really smell like poo-poo-poo.”

I have had a whole rainstorm of feelings about it. I felt responsible for other peoples’ discomfort. I felt responsible for the inconsistencies that were beyond my control. I did a lot of research, lots of reading and journaling to come to this precarious place of realizing that it’s not my fault. As Lisa Nichols reminds us, 

“And remember what my grandmother says: ‘Other people’s perception of you ain’t none of your business.’ Don’t try to manage what they think of you when you are authentic. Manage how boldly you get to walk in the world inside your authenticity.”

I have a duty to my clients: to continue to fight for you to feel safe, seen and welcome.

So I set up a meeting. And I wrote lots of notes. And I practiced what I was going to say. And I distilled my message down to a very basic statement:

“I need a place for my clients to wait where everyone is comfortable.” 

I showed up. I made noise. I trusted my voice. I was shaky, but I did it.

…It wasn’t enough [in that moment].

____

I can’t help but wonder if you feel this way, advocating for your children within systems that don’t support young people and their families and their needs. Working so hard, taking notes, clarifying your message, fighting for it, losing sleep for it, practicing in the mirror for it, using time in therapy to get ready for it…

And I felt like I had failed. 

But then something magical happened: I went to the bathroom.

I went to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. I took a deep breath into my belly. I said, “No. There’s got to be another way.”  Then, I asked a simple question to someone with authority (the Landlord), and found there is another solution. 

The International Workers of the World nailed it when they say, “Direct Action Gets the Goods.”

This solution is a different outcome than expected, but full of promise.

I have found another office, in the same building, just up the stairs, with more sound insulation and less tension. We’ll have a tiny waiting area right outside the office. We will have wifi in that tiny waiting area. There will be some movement as people go up and down the stairs and down the corridor. There will be a window to the outdoors inside my office. There will be an expanded art corner and room for dance parties. 

This is another big energetic push to re-create another magical therapeutic space for you and your children. But it will happen, and it will be beautiful. I am committed.

My concern is now that it is up a flight of stairs, which makes it inaccessible for folks with mobility challenges. For folks who see me and have physical mobility issues, let’s figure out another way for us to work together. 

I need to take this as a win. 

Thank you for being on this journey. 

This journey with your children, who are constantly growing and evolving and changing with all their reactive behaviors and big emotions. 

This journey with yourselves, your commitment to parenting the next generation, while maintaining your intuition and awareness of self. 

And now, this journey with me, as I keep shifting the spot where we land together. And yet, there is strength in navigating transitions together. 

I believe that the fabric of our connection–our therapeutic alliance–is like a carefully crafted woven web of compassion and co-regulation, that catches you when the ground feels uncertain. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me to process this further.

Truly,