Little Bodies, Big Messages.

 

I have heard it a hundred times:

“All behavior is communication.”

…but what does that even mean? We know there are many ways to communicate: Look at the Love Languages! Some of us are more comfortable expressing our love with acts of service or words or encouragement, some with gift-giving or physical touch. We all have a different, beautiful mixture of how we receive and respond to the messages around us. 

It’s no different for children, except they have squishy, absorbent brains that are not fully developed, so their feelings can seem much bigger in relation to their little bodies. They are just getting to know who they are and where they fit into this big, wide world. 

As adults, we are processing up to 60 bits of information per second.

Children, in the first year of life, have brains that expand in size 88%.

They are truly absorbing everything around them, and building neural pathways to understand themselves, you and their environment. This is GIANT work! In fact, according to this article,

“Billions of neuronal connections are made in the human brain in early childhood; some can only be made during this period, and others require much more training to achieve the same result later in life, although the brain’s plasticity ensures that it never stops learning.”

How wild is this? 

No wonder young children “act-out” more than their older counterparts. No wonder their expression of emotion can feel so enormous in their little bodies. They really are trying to make sense of the world. When we switch things up on them, move too fast, or dictate the way they should be moving, being, learning, of course they will resist: Wouldn’t you? 

Charlie Applestein, in his presentation No Such Thing as a Bad Kid!, he describes a child’s outburst/tantrum/meltdown as a 

“big message.”

From the perspective that all behavior is communication, your child really is trying to tell you something with those screams and kicks and lack of bodily control. Applestein says, “View misbehavior as a message: ‘Something is wrong. I need help.’ Try to respond instead of react to difficult behaviors.”

This is important because in order to respond to your child in a moment of big feelings, it can be helpful to have a sense of what their context is. 

2 more things:  

• When we are emotionally escalated, our ability to reason, make decisions, and even use articulate language fades. In fact, the more emotion is flooding your brain, the less executive functioning skills you have. It helps to remember this in times of challenging moments with your child. Trying to reason with a 4-year old who is amidst a big message may not be effective, because their ability to process language and make decisions is extremely diminished. 

And for us, as adults, the same is true. Have you noticed a decrease in your bandwidth, especially on days when you didn’t get enough sleep, are feeling pulled in 8 different directions at work or generally feeling overwhelmed? It’s the same thing. This means: knowledge and care of yourself is essential to the well-being of your child. 

Knowledge is power: Check out this video about the flip-your-lid hand model by Dan Siegel.

The other thing I want to say:

• According to this article, “meltdowns” and “tantrums” are 2 different things! I think it’s worth mentioning. We don’t have to get all wrapped up in the semantics, but it is helpful to know that there are dynamic and diverse reasons for a child’s big message.

More will be revealed...